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Saturday, May 31, 2003

I googled for Kennamatic earlier today and came across this site which I hadn't known of before. I'd probably try reading some of the reccommendations if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't even got time at the moment to read my regular reads.

Friday, May 30, 2003

Sppoky. I use a laptop with it's own pointer device but I also use a mouse as well. I just used the mouse and the cursor was fine for a few seconds and then it stopped. I thought it had frozen but the onboard pointer moved it perfectly. I checked the mouse connection and found it wasn't plugged in or anywhere near it. (Cue spooky music!).

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Went to Head Office today and got as far as I thought I might, which is precisely nowhere. Never mind, I tried. THis is the pattern that has been going on for ages. You earn commission or a bonus and they work on a) how can they not pay you at all, b) how can they pay you as little as possible, and c) how can they delay paying you for as long as possible. Never mind, soon be over now. 18 days and counting.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

The other day I mentioned about the guy who we are trying to give enough rope to hang himself. I'm not certain I can wait that long. I may have to hang him myself.

He is becoming like a rattle in a car. You know where it's coming from but you can't do lot about it, and it's bloody annoying. I want out now, but Kev wants to wait a bit longer. That being the case, we will wait, but the problem for me is that I don't hide my feelings for people very well, or at least not when they are negative and I don't suffer fools gladly. There is going to have to be a gret deal of tongue biting in the next few weeks but at least that is all it will be.

Meanwhile we've pulled in another order for D3sk B and have two more on the boil and we are off to see a supplier (9th June) who I think is going to offer us an exclusive agency for a large swathe of London and Surrey. That's where the future is, that's where I'm focusing. Tomorrow it's up to 3verests Head Office to make sure my bonus is right for when it's paid on 15th June (official date). If it is, and when it hits the account, my notice hits the desk, probably on Monday 16th.

19 days and counting.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

I shall tell this story which was no doubt much funnier at the time than it is reproduced here, but when I read my archives in times to come I shall remember and cheer myself, (and Kev), up no end.

Earlier today I was coming out of London when I decided it was time to unload the diet coke I'd been knocking back so far. Stopping at a garage I carry out my plan but on looking down to check trajectory, flow speed and all the other technicalities that us boys employ in our endless search for the perfect p*ss, I notice there is an insect on my shirt. It was one of those tiny beetle type things a little smaller but the same shape as a ladybird, dark brown, and non-flying. I brushed him off but didn't see where he went.

Some hours later, as the bladder guage registered full once more I'm merrily going though the same process when I look down to see my little buggy friend with his back stuck to the top of my purple headed womb broom, his little legs going nineteen to the dozen as he tried to connect with something so he can make good his escape. With no thought to my own safety, I flicked him off with a deft right hand index finger movement, (not something to be undertaken lightly in such a delicate location). I still don't know where he ended up but as I haven't seen him stuck to any other of my outer extremities I must suppose our paths have now diverged.

You'll no doubt be relieved to know there are no photos.

Saturday, May 24, 2003

3 new additions and a slight rehash to my links.

I think I'm up-to-date with the inclusion of Fred - Master of the House, Gordon - Snowgoon and Raised by Chaffinches, worthy of inclusion for the name alone. I have also amended the link to Vaughan whose previous web address met an untimely demise but has reminded me that I have to renew the deskb.co.uk name, and pretty quick.

Oh, and hands up all those who noticed that my alphabetical list of linked blogs contained an error. Anna has risen 4 places due to me suddenly remembering that L comes before M. All those years of education have finally paid off.

I mentioned my first girlfriend, Carol, yesterday. I think she was the only girlfriend I split up with pre-Goodbye To Love. I had to have a different record to soothe the wounded beast within. Actually, I don't think either of us were that wounded. We'd been going out for about 14 months and it was our frist proper boy/girlfriend thing so we'd done all the seeking advice from friends on "asking out", "kissing", "when can I try putting my hand up her jumper?". Obviously the last one was just me, her question was no doubt "How many bones is it allowable to break in his hand if he tries any funny business?". The one thing neither of us seems to have asked is "How do you dump the other person?". The last 5 months consisted of us talking very little, seeing less of each other but neither quite getting round to calling it a day. In the end I think it was a mutual friend, and leader of the Youth Club we belonged to, who brokered the break up by asking us seperately whether we thought it might be over, and on discovering we both were looking for a get out, announced the relationship over and absolved us from guilt. I'm pretty certain Carol has never married, (I occasionally see her as we still live close by), in fact I've only ever seen her in the company of one other bloke. I like to think that she's never quite been able to find another man who could live up to the terribly high standards I set, of course, I might just have put her off men for life.

Anyway, the song with which I moved on was, by coincidence, played on the radio this very morning. I'm Not In Love - 10cc

Lyle at D4D questions the need for the concrete ring around Parliament.

I reckon they really didn't need to put them in so quickly. Assuming there is a suicide bomber coming down from Tottenham Court Road say, he would be picked up sitting in traffic at the bottom of Gower Street. By the time he'd turned right and tried a short cut down Endell Street to get onto St Martins Lane via Seven Dials we could have built a fortified concrete blockade around all of Westminster. During the time spent trying to work out how you now get round the new Trafalgar Square traffic system we would have designed, developed and built a prototype laser gun for blowing up terrorists. Whilst the suicide bomber waits in the mellee of traffic at the bottom of Whitehall where tourist busses, normal buses, residents and tourists all come together in one maelstrom, we could build a new Parliament Building in another part of the capital, relocate thereand turn the Palace of Westminster into a McDonalds drive-through. Finally, as he weaves his way through the tailback from Westminster Bridge we could mobilise the newly formad Anti-Terrorist Space Force who would descend in their rocket pods and arrest him immediately, not for terrorism, but because his car tax will have run out.

Not that the traffic in London is getting worse or anything.

I've just managed to catch up with at least the last few posts of the majority of my links on the left. I think I need to lie down in a darkened room now.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Earlier today I haerd a version of Nowhere Man done by The Carpenters. I'd not heard it before and I thought I'd pretty much listened to everything they'd done over the years.

When I was in my teens I had a crush on Karen Carpenter. Not particularly a visual crush but an aural one. I was always convinced she was singing just to me. It must have started when going out with my first girlfriend as she owned a copy of their L.P. Close To You. Many's the happy hour we'd spend listening to that whilst I decided whether I should be so forward as to hold Carols hand. (I was a nice boy, I tell you!).

They really came into their own in late 1972 though. It was impossible at the age of 16 not to mourn the demise of each and every 4 week relationship by the playing of Goodbye To Love with at least 100 plays.

Later in years I really liked their version of Solitaire. Karen Carpenters voice was so mournful she could make you think that "Happy Birthday to You" was written about the break up with yet another boy/girlfriend.

In the lyrics to Goodbye to Love comes the line "no-one ever cared if I should live or die". If you're sat up there on a cloud Karen, I cared.

It seems ages since I had the chance to sit down and read all the way through my regular reads list. Hopefully over the next few days I can catch up with everyone. I shall actually have to "go to work" but I'm hopeful that will include plenty of surf time when nobody else is watching.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Following my post the other day I have to ask whether nothing is sacred. Yesterday in The Archers they managed to include the C word twice!

Monday, May 19, 2003

I was reading up about that well known saying "Give a man (thief) enough rope and he'll hang himself". It goes back centuries. I suspect it is a saying that is used quite often even now, and it is the fact I've been using it today that has brought it to the fore.

Kev and I have somebody we are dealing with who is, to put it bluntly, ripping us off. It comes as no surprise. We've suspected it for ages and came across proof over the weekend. Today he was trawling his normal advice on any subject you care to name, but we were specifically discussing a new marketing plan when he started saying things which we knew were complete lies. How Kev and I didn't start looking at each other I'll never know, but we both knew just to let him keep going and make notes for later use.

I'm a great believer in not getting mad and reacting too quickly. I don't always manage it but I do believe in trying. We'll give him a bit longer but then it is something that is going to be discussed. In the meantime, we will give him the benefit of the doubt and see how he deals with us from now.

Now he already has quite a lot of rope but I've a feeling we better be getting more in stock as he's going to go through it like it's going out of fashion. By mid-June he'll not be so much hanging himself as bungee-jumping!

Despite this revolving around money, that is only a secondary concern to me. What is adding insult to injury is that he doesn't seem to think I'm bright enough to work out what is going on. Now that does annoy me. Hell hath no fury like a Kennamatic underestimated!

There will undoubtedly be more to follow.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

7th? 7th! So the quiz was last night. 7th? 7th! We ran a team of 6. 7th? 7th! All seasoned quizzers and our main kernel for all quizzes. 7th? 7th! A good mix of rounds, some questions easy, others made you think. 7th? 7th! There were 8 rounds and we got 10/10 in 2, 7th? 7th! 9/10 in 4, 7th? 7th! and then a 7 and a 5 in the remaining two.7th? 7th! We played our joker on the music round which was a 9 doubled to 18. 7th? 7th! At this point we were first. 7th? 7th! Then they had a pictures round. :(

Saturday, May 17, 2003

Thanks (?!?!?!?!?!?!) to Pat I'm embarking on this.

I've completed it once before and it took 14 months, so I've got something to aim at. If anyone else is short of an obsesion at the moment and has nothing pressing for the next year or so, feel free to join me.

Am I the only person to get fed up of reading reports of trips to Ireland that insist on working the word "craic" into it as many times as possible?

Yes, it's a "foreign" word, yes, you know how to spell it, and yes, you know what it means. Only another few thousand words to learn and you'll be able to speak Gaelic.

I've read a report today of a trip to Cork by 3verest which uses the word three times in one page. For God's sake, if you enjoyed yourself just say you enjoyed yourself, we'll all know what you mean.

End of rant, thankyou.

A couple of bits of good news!

1) This years Blackpool trip is booked!!!! Hurrah!!!
2) Went to the pub with Kev and played a quiz machine. We won £7 on one game and would have been happy with that, but two goes later we won £20 on the Cluedo quiz! Hopefully this bodes well for the quiz I'm in on Saturday evening.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

For the first time in ages I've started to write a comedy script. Kev and I often have a laugh and a joke and say things would make a good tv comedy but nothing ever comes. Today we were larking about as normal and the conversation took a turn which I started to visualise on screen. I've been furiously scribbling outline plot etc before it goes out of my head.

Of course, even if I ever get anywhere near compleating even one "episode" it will just remain there on paper, but it's nice just to feel the old creative juices running again. It has a working title and even that's more than I've managed to create in ages.

The Mog Project.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Amazingly, 30 years afetr I left school I still remember Pythagoras' Theorem. Even more amazingly I actually use it for work. Unfortunately, it's the only theorem I remember from school. That may be why it took me two goes to get my maths o'level, although I like to think it's because they were so impressed with my first attempt they just wanted me to do another for the sheer joy they would get from receiving it. Then again, maybe not. Today I had to try to work out how to calculate the length of an arc. Thank god for the internet. Two minutes of googling and I had the BBCs revision line to give me the answer. Now however I have to find out how to calculate the angle at the centre of the sector.

I'm hoping to stop hyperventilating before this evening.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

On May 19th 1956 the first gameshow with a money prize was aired on television. My mum was also 7 weeks pregnant with me, I wonder if she knew? However, that is leading us astray. The quiz came from across the pond where it was called The $64,000 question. In the UK, even then, there were rules about what value a prize could be, so they called it The 64000 question. The 64000 in question were shillings, a total of £3,200.00. It doesn't seem much now, but back then that must have been a heck of a lot of money.

The house opposite where I am now was bought by my father in 1961, it's a 3/4 bedroom semi and my grandparents had to sell their house in Airedale Cliff, Leeds and move south to live with us just so he could afford to buy it. It cost £1300. They presently go for 250 times that.

In the mid sixties, a family car could be bought for about £400. Ten years earlier, if there was such a thing as a family car, and I'm sure most families wouldn't have had one, it would have been quite a lot less. Small basic models under £100 perhaps. I must try and find out. A multiple of 125 times to present times is not unreasonable.

So that £3200 was worth about a £300k to £600k win these days. I wonder if in another 47 years people are going to be winning £125,000,000.00 prizes? Then they might be able to afford that 4 bed semi for £67,5000,000.00. A snip.

I'm sorry, I've been neglecting you all for the last day or so but all hell's broken loose in the world of (uk) geocaching and, unusually for me, I've been posting comments left, right and centre in the forum. Those who are involved in that world will know what's going on but I tell you, if you put two geocachers together in a room you'd get at least three different opinions!

Saturday, May 10, 2003

O.K. Since I was asked by Mike I took the "Test the Nation" IQ test earlier today.

My scores were;

Language 10/12
Memory 9/12
Logic 22/22
Numbers 12/12
Perception 9/12

IQ Score given as 136. In the MENSA test I scored 154. Perhaps I was having an off day today? :)

Most interesting of the results that came up from the whole survey was that the higher the wage level, the lower the IQ, although I wouldn't necessarily use that information in your next wage appraisal with your boss. This would however at least explain my pathetic bank balance! Now all I have to do is convince my bank manager that my overdraft really isn't my fault and if he can't understand that I'll just check what salary he gets!

This weeks rather late Friday 5.

1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?

The sound of hysterical laughter you are hearing comes from those who know me! No, I'm not, I think we can safely say.

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?

Until I lost it in a pub I had a handheld organiser and I did use that continually because I kept it on me at all times. That is the only time I have ever been that organised.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?

I would have posted a photo but my family would have been too humiliated.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?

I might, if only I knew where I'd last put them. Actually, Linda does all that so I don't need to. Then again, she re-organises the recycling into alphabetical order! And no, I'm not kidding.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?

I once served on a social committee and it was always hard organising things to make people happy. Then one day we thought "sod it, we're never going to please all the people all the time", so we started organising events that we wanted and it all became much, much easier.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Who remembers Coke Floats? I tried the new vanilla Diet Coke today and it reminded me of them, which I suppose it would. For those poor sould who don't know what they are, it's basically a scoop of ice cream in a glass topped up with Coke or Pepsi. I think Wimpy used to do them years ago. Maybe they still do. You used to have to perfect the art of trying to suck the coke up through the straw at the side of the ice cream so both came up without the straw blocking.

Anyone know where you can get them now?

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

The Curse of The Crackly Line returns so I might be a bit intermittent both in posting and visiting.

Brian, if you read this, don't bother about it, you have other things to worry about at the moment. It will go away again soon.

And from the "You know You're A Blogger When....." department. I've just had a conversation with someone which needs to be kept very quiet and my first thought is what I should write about it on here!!! And no, I'm not going to spill the beans, it wouldn't be that interesting to anyone, honest.

Monday, May 05, 2003

Over on Ananova they run 10 headlines. Three of them at this moment are to do with I'm a Celebrity - Look at Me. In another few days we've got Big Brother, whatever number we're up to. Surely people have got tired with all this now. Apparently not though, so I am fighting back.

Yes, come and get it! Your very own reality t.v. world. For the sum of just £999.00 my compny will install the latest of reality portals into your home. We will take out a window and put in our special t.v. screen. Beautifully crafted from PVCu, it contains not one glass screen but two!!!!! (All the better for seeing your favourite characters with). From the comfort of your own home you can look through the reality portal and see such well known characters as The Postman. See him as he tries to accomplish the days task of delivering all the post in his sack. Look at the cars going past your house, how many can you spot from the adverts?

Remember though, you are watching the real world! On no account must you attempt to climb through the reality portal and join them. They have been specially trained to take part in real life and you must not emulate some of the dangerous tasks performed such as "speaking to other people".

Don't delay, order your reality portal now. In fact, why not buy one for all the members of your household and have one put in each of the rooms where people go when they spend a few hours each night relaxing before going back to watch who might be voted off next.

Then again, who am I to scoff, I'm sat here 'blogging!

Sunday, May 04, 2003

A rather relaxing day so far with two blocks of geocaching forming the bread to a three hour filling of work.

I noticed last night that my robot at the top of the page is looking fatter than it was before. It must be mirroring me.

And finally a request. Linda wants to know if there is a quicker way to move or re-sort columns in Excel(95) or any later version for that matter, than to cut and paste. I don't know, but then that's hardly news is it.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

Sin week starts Monday. Don't miss out.


If you fancy a massed controlled sin, and it's got to be more fun than anti-capitalism marches, click here.

If anyone's up for lust could you leave your details in the comments section below. Thankyou. Oh, preferably female, thought I better mention that.

Of course, if you'd rather do something with one of the seven dwarves next week you better click here.

(Originally nicked from Gert and then just randomly grasped from anywhere.)

I wasn't going to do The Friday Five this week but I can't not.

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.

The Last Goodbye by Atomic Kitten. Actually I like quite a lot of their stuff and I ought to be ashamed of myself!

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.

Stay With Me Baby - Yvonne Ellison
O.K. Wait for it. I'm not sure this shouldn't have been the answer to Q1. Edelweiss from the Sound of Music Soundtrack. It's worse if I watch the film at the same time. How I aren't the campest man in Britain I'll never know.

3. Name three songs that turn you on.

Move Closer - Phyllis Nelson
Lets Get It On - Marvin Gaye
Me & Mrs Jones - Billy Paul

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.

Castles in the Sky - Ian Van Dahl
Heaven - D J Sammy
The Boys of Summer - Don Henley
Ain't No Stopping Us Now - McFadden & Whitehead

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.

How do you condense this to 5????? Right, first five to come into my head.

Stay With Me Baby - Yvonne Ellison
New York State of Mind - Barbara Streisand version
Anarchy in the UK - Sex Pistols
Creep - Radiohead
Heroes - David Bowie

Graybo, (for it is he), reports he has been putting up illegal promotional signs. I've done that before.

A few years back, in a fit of enthusiasm, Kev, myself, and our boss JW, decided to hold an exhibition in a hall in Barnes, SW London. We got the hall booked for the bank holiday, probably this very one, and were deciding how to advertise it. No problem, we thought, lets make loads of 2ft by 3ft cardboard signs and hang them on all the lamposts in the centre of Barnes. Not wanting to cause a disruption we borrowed Kevs brothers van and loaded them up along with a pair of stepladders. One of the three of us would shin up the steps and tie the cardboard sign about 8ft above the ground so that local delinquents couldn't get at them. (Anyone who knows Barnes knows that the nearest thing to a delinquent they might have is someone who refuses to re-fold the Times after reading it). We started at 11:00p.m. and were all but finished by 3:30 a.m. Goodnight hugs all round and back to bed. JW got the first call at about 9:30 that morning from the council asking whether the signs were ours. He told us, 1) that they shouldn't be there, and 2) that the locals were tearing them down!!!! or at least those they could reach by standing on cars! We couldn't do anything that day but once more that night we dutifully went back and removed all those that were left. It only took till 2:00 a.m. this time.

How did the exhibition go? Brilliantly! We had three visitors. One of my customers, to complain that he still hadn't got his conservatory, one of Kevs who popped in for a cup of tea and a chat for about an hour, and our Divisional Manager who came to rally the troops and left after about 90 seconds. Actually there were a few more but they were just asking directions to the bric-a-brac fair next door. The day ended on a high when one of the display stands fell over and hit John on the nose causing a nosebleed that Noah would have built an ark on seeing.

We never did do another.

So there goes the big event. Well, big as far as Kennamtic goes. My logs show it was Pinky who was 10,000th, or at least I'm pretty certain it was, if not, it was someone who inadvertently ended up here and stayed for a nanosecond.

At this rate it's only another 16 years until I hit 100,000. Surely some of us will have got a life by then!

Friday, May 02, 2003

C'mon now, not many to go.